Witchy Woman

This has probably been done before, but I though I'd try my hand at it. To the tune of Cake's "Rock 'n Roll Lifestyle." This is my first ever filk, and I can only play the radio... badly.

"Well, your rapier collection looks shiny and costly.
How much did you pay for your custom made épée?
And how much did you spend on your new arming jacket?
Is it you or your lady in this income tax bracket?

Now tickets to Pennsic and drinking in camps,
Sometimes for events that you haven't even heard of,
And how much did you pay for your Estrella War shirt
That proves you were there, that you heard of it first?

How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?
How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?
How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?
Hark, oye.

How much did you pay for the pig-face bascinet,
The one he ruthlessly smashed at the end of the war?
And how much will he pay for a brand new gauntlet?
One which you'll ruthlessly smash at the end of another war.
And how long will the merchants keep forging you new ones?
As long as their tankards are pewter, glass, or wood ones.

Aging silver duct tape on old guisarmes,
Dozens of favours and award of arms,
Your poor knees pay dearly now for tourney magic moments
But fight on soothfully with some brand new components.

How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?
How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?
How do you afford your medieval lifestyle?"