31 Things Brendar is no Longer Allowed to do in the SCA

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1. When meeting newcomers, I am not to cry out, "Fresh meat!"

2. The Prince and Princess are not to be addressed as "Your Pretty Goodness."

3. I will not feed the drunks lutefisk.

4. Wet chemise contests are to be held only after dark.

5. Medieval torture devices and Pied Piper do not mix.

6. I will not tell newcomers to "wave to the pretty, pretty princess!"

7. Whilst acting as a chirurgeon, I will not use any period medical techniques, including but not limited to: bleeding, maggots, or trepanning.

8. No matter how long and beautiful a person's hair is, they are not to be called "Lady Lovelilocks." Especially if the person in question is a gentleman.

9. At no point am I to cackle maniacally to myself within earshot of newcomers, media, or moderns.

10. Royalty is not to be referred to as pointy hats, muckety mucks, nor grand high poo-bah.

11. When drawing my weapon I will not announce, "By [For] the power [honour] of Grayskull!"

12. While wearing woad and nothing else was period, it is NOT appropriate.

13. When traveling to Canada, I will not sing, hum, nor quote any of the lyrics to "Blame Canada."

14. Telling a pun so bad it makes a WOAW groan is NOT something of which to be proud.

15. I will not call animal control to round up rabbit-skin bikini clad young women.

16. I will not douse the goths with holy water.

17. I will not shout "I don't believe in faeries!" to women in faerie wings just to see if they keel over dead.

18. If it's well-received at the Bawdy Bardic, it is not acceptable for Pied Piper.

19. Psychological warfare is allowed. Fashioning your helm to resemble a gimp mask is not.

20. I will not name my persona "Bigus Dickus."

21. While fighting at war, I will not dismember nor mutilate the bodies.

22. While watching at war, I will not loot the bodies.

23. I will not cup-check the young men to see who stuffs their codpieces and who does not.

24. When acting as a royal guard in court, I will not demand that a gentle perform the Truffle Shuffle before entering.

25. I will not refer to newbie fighters at war as any of the following: redshirts, meatshields, nor cannon fodder.

26. While serving as a chirurgeon, I will not dress Repo Man from Repo! The Genetic Opera.

27. No matter how innocent and polite I am, I will not ask the good Landsknecht gentle if they were set upon by a pack of rabid squirrels.

28. I will not yell "Freebird!" at the Bardic Circle.

29. I will not hide whoopy cushions on the thrones.

30. It is never appropriate to refer to your friends as Slappy, Happy, and Jappy. Even if their respective personas are fighter, jester, and Asian.

31. I will not command any modern-clad male royal to "Dance, nakie-boy, dance!"

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