Love Your Body (Warning: Contains Adult Content)

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Another step in my weight loss was learning to love my body.  When starting out, find something that you like about yourself.  Even something that might seem silly like your hands, hair, anything.  Look at yourself in the mirror every day.  Most of us who are larger have developed the habit of only giving ourselves a cursory glance to ensure we are ready to go out in public.  Stop and admire your body.  Stop and move on before you begin to focus on the flaws, real or imagined.  Over time you will begin to like what you see more as you change.  Even at my heaviest I had strong, muscular legs with decent definition and focused on those.  Then I began to admire the same attributes in my arms.  Now I'm noticing that my tomach is shrinking, too, although it will never be as muscly as my limbs.  No one will ever love their entire body 100% of the time, but the point is to develop your working relationship into a more intimate one.

It is ok to like yourself.  Really, you have my permission.  Without devolving into a diatribe, let's just summarize with mainstream media and various industries make more money if you hate yourself.  Add a female gender to the mix, and you've got a wonderful barrel of monkeys of image issues.  Listen to the little voice in your head that says, "Damn, I look good."  (It's even quieter than the one pointing out the not so fine points of your physical being).  Don't worry that you'll come off as arrogant because what you are really developing is confidence, and there is a difference.  As a friend once put it, confidence is "I'm pretty good."  Arrogance is, "I'm better than everyone else."  So don't worry about your self-esteem being too strong until it crosses that line.

Sex counts as exercise!  Unfortunately, you aren't likely to find it listed on myfitnesspal, sparkpeople, or Fitocracy.  Even masturbation burns calories.  Obviously I haven't found any scientific studies to give a more definite idea of the math involved, but sexual activities that result in sweat, heavy breathing, and lethargy obviously counts as physical exercise.  If you're wanting numbers to plug into your calorie counter, then use your best judgment.

The mental battle is harder and has to be won before the physical will follow suit.  The more you like your body, the more confidence you will have which means you'll be perceived as being sexier, thus leading to more sex.  Make the Psycho Hamster Wheel of Doom work for you in a positive way.

You know you're kinky in the SCA when...

1:44 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
You know you're kinky and in the SCA when...

you get hit with a rapier and not in armour and as you're yelling at the person you have to stop yourself from saying, "It was NOT sane, safe, or consensual!"

a friend threatens to tie you up under your garb, and your first thought is, "Is the rope period?"

you know that you have a future as a Pelican because you're a masochist.

you know that you have a future as a Knight because you're a sadomasochist.

you know that you have a future as a Laurel because you're a sadist.

you use heraldic postures for training your sub instead of Gorean ones.

you have used "Light" and "Hold" instead of "Green" and "Red."

you weave and dye your own rope.

you refer to the SCA as your pro-domme since you pay for the abuse.

you think of Royalty as the Dungeon Monitors.

you're stoked about wearing leather and corsets in broad daylight and NOT getting stares.

you make your own candles for wax play.

no one bats an eye when you refer to your master or mistress as "Lord" or "Lady."

you have to be careful NOT to refer to your dominant as "Sir" or "Master/Mistress."

Fun with "Pregnancy Crisis Centers"

5:09 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

I refuse to post my bra colour.

1:21 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I am on Facebook, and here is what I wrote: "Refusing to jump on the colour bandwagon, I am just going to say instead: Check your breasts." I do not feel that announcing one's unmentionables is going to raise awareness, especially since nothing is mentioned about the twins or cancer, merely the garment that contains them. And part of the giggle factor is that Teh Menz won't know what it's about, when not enough people realize that men can get breast cancer, too. Kinda defeats the point of raising awareness, don't you think?

I think that this is a much better way of going about it.

Mature Content

11:43 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
"(Portland, Maine) A gun collector who introduced several weapons into sexual play with two other men contends the weapons were intended to fulfill a sexual fantasy. Instead, a lethal combination of drugs, extreme sex and Russian roulette has put him on trial for manslaughter.
Both the defense and prosecutors say there was no intention to kill. But prosecutors say defendant Bruce Lavallee-Davidson, a farmer from Skowhegan, was responsible for ensuring his gun wasn’t loaded when it was being handled."
Anyone worth their salt in the community knows that you never, ever play while under the influence of ANYTHING. And if you do play with weapons, you make damned certain that it is under the safest conditions possible. Unfortunately this was in a private home, or else I would be screaming, "Where the hell was the Dungeon Master/Mistress?!" A gun collector should have known to triple check the chambers before even bringing it into the scene. Hell, I don't even own one, let alone ever use one in a scene, and I know that! This was in no way safe nor sane.
Too bad Darwin's Law didn't take out Lavallee-Davidson.

Modesty

12:51 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I dress fairly modestly for a number of reasons, which may sound contradictory considering I participate in a certain four-letter acronym community. I came of age when Britney Spears was arguably at her peak, yet I, unsurprisingly, never felt the need to emulate pop stars whose music I didn't particularly enjoy. In fact, one of my father's typical rants is the physical appearances of some of my favourite bands. I can honestly say that I have no earthly idea what most of them look like let alone what they wear even to this day, which usually results in an argument because he is convinced otherwise. So I was fairly oblivious in my formative years to the "You have to wear as little clothes as possible in order to be attractive" brainwashing.
My mother instilled in me that leaving a little to the imagination is sexier than baring it all. (She should know, she grew up on Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn). Although being the incorrigible tomboy, I wore whatever was comfortable, which meant jeans and a t-shirt. At least it generally ensured that boys looked me in the eye rather than staring at whatever was popping out of my top. Some, however, needed to learn that lesson the hard way.
As an adult, we all know that I prefer to make my own clothing through knitting and sewing rather than overpay for something that was cheaply made and won't fit anyway. So my wardrobe is not limited to the fare of the local mall. (Speaking of which, I lived through the '80's the first time and have no need to relive that, thank you very much).
I respect myself enough to dress in a way that is comfortable to me, which does not include vast expanses of skin bared to every passerby. I want to be respected and valued for my mind and personality, not for my triple D's. If I am going to be on display, let it be for my intelligence first. Having somewhat outgrown the tomboy phase, I wear skirts because they are comfortable and more flattering to my figure than jeans. (Hey, with a small butt I need some help to visually balance out that chest!)
I am wondering just what possessed designers and the parents to dress their pre-teen girls like strippers? Oh right, because Miley Cyrus is doing it. Just because I tend to avoid popular fashion does not mean that the two are mutually exclusive. While I am not religiously motivated, I have found a couple of sites with fashionable examples on how to do so without needing a gynecologist to extract those pair of jeans.
Not being religiously motivated I am free of the "Oh noez! I haz to hide my hawtness from teh menz cuz they just can't help demselves!!1!1!" But it does bring a mixed blessing: at least if I am ever raped (again) they can't use the excuse of "She was asking for it, just look at how she was dressed!"

Dallas treats prostitutes like human beings.

7:12 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
The city is actually helping them clean up and turn their lives around. Admittedly, it's not working very well or fast, but they are making progress. It's especially important with the younger ones, sometimes even teenagers, rather than locking them up and ensuring that they have no options at that point.

The G-Spot is a myth! Science says so!

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"The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.

Their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine is the biggest yet, involving 1,800 women, and it found no proof.

The King's College London team believe the G-spot may be a figment of women's imagination, encouraged by magazines and sex therapists."

My first thought was: "Were all of the researchers men?" No, seriously. I can find mine just fine. I have found those belonging to my ex-girlfriends just fine. But no, we poor widdle women are just confused by whatever Cosmo tells us.

Then I thought, "No, that's not fair. Most of my male partners have been able to find it just fine." The cynic in me (I know, it's shocking because I'm such a Pollyanna) wonders if they set out to find evidence to support their own lack of sexual prowess and knowledge in order to bolster their own pathetic egos. It's more likely that the test subjects did not find a clinical and sterile environment to be conducive to enjoyment and relaxation, as anyone who has ever had an annual will tell you.

It's not surprising, however, considering we females are so stupid that we can't even tell when we are aroused. Gee, it couldn't be at all related to the stigma that men are expected to be sexual creatures and women are not, unless there is a ring on her finger. Any witch worth her salt could tell you that most women are not in tune with their bodies, living mostly in their head, as a result of being told that we are too fat and too ugly our entire lives. Inundation of "You are not good enough" produces a schism between one's mind and one's physical being that carries over to the soul itself.

Now, if you don't believe in "New Agey crap" just imagine how this translates psychologically. The minds of women are trained over time to first divorce their mental image of themselves with their actual appearance, then dissociate the mind from the body. And we wonder why cases of eating disorders are skyrocketing.

"'Urgent need' to regulate sex toys, MP says

7:14 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
No, it's not what you think. It's actually good news!
"When you're the young owners of a Toronto sex shop specializing in eco-friendly vibrators and other adult toys, getting the ear of a Member of Parliament can be a challenge.
So, entrepreneurs Kim and Amy Sedgwick started off slow. The self-branded “eco-sisters” wrote a letter outlining their concerns of a “dangerous” problem hidden away in Canadian bedrooms everywhere – chemicals used in the majority of Canadian sex toys that pose a potential health risk for women...
So while bisphenol A can't be used in baby bottles, and phthalates can't be used in children's mouth toys, there's no rules preventing their use in a vibrator, Dr. Bennett says."
Heck yeah! If it's not safe to put in my hypothetical child's mouth (the material, not the actual item) then it should not be considered safe to put in the organ which would theoretically produce said offspring.

Reversing Female Genital Mutilation

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"One day, when Sila Folow was an 8-year-old girl living in Mali, four elderly women held her down on the dirt floor of an outhouse and, in keeping with local tradition, used a sharp blade to cut out her clitoris and most of her labia. Her grandmother and other villagers held a celebration. Sila, bleeding and in terrible pain, could not walk for weeks. Like millions of other African girls who are forced to undergo female genital mutilation—a ritual many women say is intended to ensure that they grow up to become sexually passive wives who will not stray from their husbands—Sila never recovered. She eventually moved to New York, married, and had two children. But she was reluctant to have sex with her husband. It hurt, and the scarring made it impossible for her to feel pleasure.

This May, Sila, now 38 years old, underwent a simple but profound operation to undo the past. She traveled to Trinidad, Colorado, where Dr. Marci Bowers, a gynecological and pelvic surgeon, has recently begun to perform "clitoralplasty" or "female circumcision reversals" on African women. A relatively new procedure, it reshapes the anatomy and, in 80 percent of patients, restores pleasurable sensation. "I want my womanhood back," Sila told Bowers when she first spoke to the surgeon about the operation. "I just want to know it's there. To have the feeling that I can fight against this culture." "

It's enough to bring tears to your eyes.

"Slut"

11:08 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
A friend was recently under the mistaken impression that I was sleeping with another friend (male). He asked me why she would care, let alone feel the need to police my sexuality as a single woman.
I told him that as women, we are not supposed to be sexual creatures. And as such, we are taught to police each other's actions. For example, it is usually women who select which woman is considered a slut, rather than men. This contributes to the mistaken belief that women cannot get along together for any period of time.
These behaviours have been so ingrained into us so that we don't form bonds of sisterhood and thus threaten the patriarchy. We're supposed to be catty bitches who are too busy backstabbing each other to link forces and shatter the chastity belts we have imposed upon each other for our own "good."

Is it wrong...

8:09 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
That my mind went straight to the gutter after seeing these?

Happy Beltane!

9:58 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Just a few tips on how to have a safe and sane Beltane.
Don't dance too close to the bonfire when naked.
If you do jump the fire, do so naked. Imagine all those dangling sleeves and flowing robes over a huge balefire. Despite your childhood fantasies, you do not really want to be the Human Torch.
When you find a cozy bush with your partner, make sure that it is thorn-free and not poison oak.
It is bad form to relieve yourself on the fire.
And please do not inflict any of the following on your fellow revelers:

13. Guy: "That ritual gown is skin-tight baby... How do you get into it?" Gal: "Well... you can start off by getting me a chalice of mead."
12. "Hey-hey, is that a magick mirror in your pocket - because I can see myself in your pants."
11. "If I said you had the body of a Goddess - would you hold it against me?"
10. "Hey babe, what's your sign? What's it's ascendant? What's your Moon...?" (*caresses your butt*)
9. "Read any good Llewellyn Books lately?"
8. "Would you like to come over to my place and get busy kickin' wytchy-boots?"
7. "Hey beautiful, your feet must be tired... because you've been spiral dancing in my mind all night long."
6. "Haven't I seen you in another life before?"
5. "Wow... You have the most beautiful third eye I've ever seen."
4. "So... do you do The Great Rite here often?" or "So... ya wanna jump the bale-fire together?" *wiggle eyebrows*
3. "What's a georgous Nymph-Goddess like you, doing in a Circle like this?"
2. "Yes, I'm handfasted, but that's not a "legal" marriage.... but we *could* go out in the forrest for a Greenwood Marriage..." *wink*
And the TOP BELTANE PICK-UP LINE IS......... *Drumroll please*
1. "Is that a Maypole in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Healthy Submission, Mental Illness, and Feminism

9:29 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Yes, talk about a complicated subject. First, we have an analysis of heterosexual, submissive women. Well worth reading.
The following caught my eye: I've seen women read the psychiatric diagnostic manual (DSM-IV) and then ask, "Do I have borderline personality disorder?" During one of my stints in counseling, they thought I might have BPD. I was never diagnosed one way or the other, but looking back I can understand how they might have come to this conclusion. Before I was on medication to control my chemically imbalanced depression and in conjunction with my submissive nature, anyone without knowledge of the latter would assume it was borderline prsonality disorder.
I can imagine you're saying, "But you're a feminist?! How can you... What?" *Insert sound of mind breaking here.* It's simple, really. Outside of the bedroom, I am equal to anyone, including my partner. I am strong, smart, stubborn, and self-possessed. What I am like behind closed doors is completely separate from my crusade to right the wrongs of the world. Although there are undoubtedly misogynists who would like to play psychiatrist and claim that who I am with my partner at home is the "real" me and the public me is just a facade. Except for the obvious fact that these two personas are both a part of me, just different aspects shown to different people within a certain context.
Part of what changed me from a meek wallflower into who I am now was an Evil Ex who took advantage of my submissive side, effectively raping me. I couldn't report it. They would have seen it as: we were dating, I liked to be tied up, so I must have been ashamed of what had happened and tried to get him in trouble. I could have crawled under a rock and never come out again, or I could go on with my life. That's not to say that living was easy, particularly in combination with the aforementioned manic depression.
I determined that I needed to be far more selective in the relationships I formed, both romantically and platonically. Although at the time I didn't consciously understand, I weeded out people with hard, definite concepts of gender as ingrained in them by society. Especially men whose sense of self was inextricably caught up in their culturally defined masculinity. This left people who care about who I am as opposed to what they assume I should be.

"Choose Life" License Plates

10:30 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Anti-abortion folk can now feel their cause has been legimitized... with a license plate. Even better, Centers for Pregnancy Crisis get proceeds from the sales!
Who cares that "the revenue from the 'Choose Life' plates would go to many CPCs that use deceptive, intimidating, and emotionally manipulative tactics to block women from learning the facts about, or choosing, legal abortion…"?
And then there's the little fact that the "free" pregnancy tests at CPC's are actually kits that have been dumped by drug stores because they're past their expiration date. (Yes, they do have expiration dates, just like condoms. If you don't know either of these facts, go immediately to your parents/old sex-ed teacher and tell them that they have failed you. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200).
Very honest and totally deserving of our government money.

Blogaround

10:32 AM Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Total Recall Snuggie: Shakespeare's Sister
It's like a Teletubby gone horribly wrong. Then again, has there ever been a Teletubby that has gone right?

God Hates Fags church raises money for LGBT support group: Pinknews
No, it wasn't intentional, but it's still pretty funny.

A Modern-Day Dickensian Tale: I Blame the Patriarchy
Catch 22 from hell, courtesy of our legal system.

Co-ed bathrooms?!?!11?: Feministing
Focus on the Family's latest "the sky is falling!"

A Self-fulfilling Prophecy: The Guardian
Restricted Access to Birth Control = More Abortions.

G20 Protests: The Guardian
I never thought that I would see the word "hardcore" appear in a newspaper.

Study Shows Women Are "Shallower" Than Men

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The University of Wales Institute performed a recent study showing men and women the same person of the opposite gender in two different cars: a Bentley or a Fiesta. Survey says: women are more attracted to men in nice, expensive cars than ones in crappy, cheap ones. For the men, it made no difference on their attraction to the women's physical appearance. Ergo, women are "shallower" than men because there's "evidence" to support it.
However the irony of evaluating a person's shallowness by having them judge others on physical appearance versus material goods has evidently been completely missed by this genius.

An Open Letter to Chris Brown

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I actually had to stop reading it on Diary of a Black Male Feminist because I started to tear up, and crying at work is less than ideal.

Breasts

11:38 AM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
An article at the ever totally awesome Shakespeare's Sister on illusory breasts in architecture got me to thinking about my ample DD's. I realized that it's rarely been men who place the most emphasis on my chest: it's been the women in my life.
When I was younger and thinner, they were still large for my age and size. My mother accused me of "flaunting" them because I chose to wear tailored clothing that demonstrated I did actually have a waist and hips (although where they've gotten to now, I have no idea) as opposed to draping straight off my chest creating an amorphous blob silhouette. Yeah, I have costuming and sewing experience, why do you ask? In her mind (Catholic, formerly of parochial school), not hiding = putting on display. Once or twice in high school, I did get cracks from my male friends about putting my eye out while in track and cross country. But that was about it from them. My best friend at the time, who was and still is slender, expressed envy on multiple occassions.
Now, as an adult, I get it even more. My best friend constantly makes cracks about her falsies (silicone inserts which are fun to throw at people while at the bar) and accuses me of showing off the twins/rubbing it in her face. Most of the time it's in good fun, but after awhile it becomes increasingly uncomfortable. It's at times like this when I honestly do feel reduced to nothing more than a pair of tits.
Either I have developed the ability to ignore men who talk to my boobs because it has happened so frequently, or I have enough force of personality that they realize I am much more awesome than my chesticles alone. I tend to believe it is the latter, although I do only socialize with men who think with their brain as opposed to their hormones.
Men are typically conditioned to think in terms of sex, to want it constantly, to have it as their main goal. Reave once told me of an experiment performed with baby birds. The mom of the species had red on her face and/or beak (don't ask me which type or where or what, I just remember the general idea). The scientists held a red ball, much larger than the corresponding colouring on the mother, over the baby birds. And they went nuts because big ball = equally larger amounts of food. He said that by hitting this trigger over and over with a sledgehammer, essentially, that part of the brain ends up being overstimulated.
Women are taught to provide the bigger ball, and as such, we are much harder on ourselves and each other in order to become the ideal. This lends itself to the myth that women cannot get along amongst ourselves. By seeing someone else with what we think we lack, we focus on it that much more and place a greater emphasis on it. Subconsciously it's easy for us to reduce ourselves to these blobs of flesh and fat, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy of others focusing on the rack instead of who we are.
Sure, it's easy for someone with endowments to say, "Get over it." But if they don't play a large role in my own life, then why should they be so prominent in your interactions with me?

Consequences not condoms

12:02 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
"All human actions have consequences, as we have seen amply illustrated in the world of money and economics. Bankers took risks that they thought they would never have to pay for; personal debts reached dismaying levels because borrowing and credit cards seemed easy. But consequences there will always be. And, as in the money markets, so in the field of personal relationships.
The spiralling rate of unwanted pregnancy – there are now 200,000 abortions annually, the highest number since legalisation in 1967 – as well as the exceptionally high rate of births to unsupported and very young mothers has prompted ever more energetic methods of addressing this problem. Schoolgirls in Oxford may now text the school nurse for morning-after contraception. Indeed, all women will soon be able to purchase this post-coital remedy in bulk over the internet."
This is the age old classic of, "I'm a hypocrite because I'll get up on my soapbox and tell you not to do what I did when I was your age because it's just wrong!"
She gets crazy points for comparing uwanted teen pregnancy to the recession. Then she proceeds to preach that we need to teach that actions have consequences, i.e. the threat of pregnancy rather than providing the tools and information to prevent said pregnancy and STD's. In other words, we should be warning teens, "Don't have sex because it's too risky" while shoving consumerism down their throats with promises of sex. Yes, because that has definitely worked in the past.
Evidently she doesn't have a problem with getting male erection drugs over the internet, but preventing teh babies 'n STD's is just wrong! Perhaps she's just miffed that we have accessible contraceptives?
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