All right, so after my last post I feel the need to come clean. I am not on a diet. I am completely altering my lifestyle. Here is what I wrote in a forum on Ravelry when I began two weeks ago:
"So eating healthy/losing weight is a huge can of worms. I have several health issues so when I exercise everything below my knees soon hurts. My family has been on my case basically ever since high school, when I put on the weight after my first foot surgery. So I tend to get easily upset over my weight, just grocery shopping has been known to bring me to the brink of tears. I realized I really can’t do this without a support system.
I play Dungeons and Dragons a couple nights a week, and on those nights there’s the junk food/7-11 pilgrimage. Sunday night, most recent game night, I announced my plans to not indulge in junk (i.e. no more bags of Doritos to myself and energy drinks in the course of one game). Cheese is one of my true loves, next to crafting and s/o. “Bob” is a big guy, and really great cook of unhealthy stuff. He started everyone in a
round of teasing me with, “Jer is so full of Brie.” Or “I promise I won’t mention those compressed bits of dairy curd.” “So no Swiss for insert my character’s name here?” It wouldn’t stop, even after I threatened to stab everyone with size 2 Addi Turbos [knitting needles]. I almost started crying.
Luckily, my s/o and I are doing this together and he cooks on game nights when I don’t have time after work.
The plan of attack is what I did when I was on LA Weight Loss (but couldn’t afford that much food/so many trips to the store at the time nor driving across town to the center, as well as shame when I fell off the wagon for a couple of months).
Weight: No idea, perhaps around 200?
Highest weight ever was 205
Height: 5’3”
Size: 18
Goal: 140?
Goal Size: 10-12?
Veggies: 4 servings
Fruit: 3 servings
Carbs: 2 servings
Protein: 2 servings
Dairy: 1 serving :( Fat: 1 serving Water: 8 glasses Exercise: When I can get it, in addition to bellydance with friends a couple of hours once a week.
Today: low fat string cheese, an apple, applesauce cup, a can of Progresso Healthy Request Soup, two cups of coffee (creamer added, which was still in the fridge and needs to be finished to make room for low-fat versions), and no water.
Not too bad, but could be better.
Edited because a stated goal is a good thing. I don’t really know how much I want to lose, but at least 50 pounds would be good."
I only threw in the last bit about the amount of weight I would like to lose because I don't want to stop after 10 pounds, thinking that I did good and not continue. On the other hand, I don't want to go overboard and starve myself to skin and bones. (Not that have ever been, nor ever will be skin and bones, but I want to be healthy).
And this is what I wrote this morning:
"So I have this habit of occasionally grabbing my belly (where I carry almost all of my excess fat i.e. anywhere else but my boobs) with both hands and just jiggling it up and down. Sometimes I’ll yell at it in frustration. Sometimes I do it just to make me laugh. Sometimes it’s to remind me why I’m doing this. The past couple of days, it’s felt, I dunno, somehow looser. Less dense.
Being an anti-scaleworshipper, I hopped on my non-digital one. And I’ve lost five pounds since I last posted. Granted, I was fairly bad last week for my birthday (two
parties, one involving pizza and cheesecake, the other lots of rich Italian food).
But I’ve been hiking (not uphill really because we’re working up to that) at least once a week. I haven’t been drinking enough water because I work in a cold warehouse and the thought of cold water is enough to make me run for the coffee. And when I really want junk food, I have some. Not an entire bag of chips, which I can do without even blinking, but last night I wanted jerky and a couple of mini chocolate donuts. So I did, but my dinner wasn’t just junk (which was normal on game nights for me)."
The scale was only out of curiosity to see if it was my imagination or not. This isn't about fitting some insane ideal image that has been pressed onto me by society and the media. This isn't a New Year's Resolution to be forgotten in February. I am not going overboard and denying myself everything but carrots and water. Hell, I don't even have a gym membership.
I want to be able to get out and do all the things I want to do like hiking, camping, and biking. I want to be able to fit into clothes, theatre seats, and other crowded spaces. I want to have energy. In short, I want to be healthy. My previous ways of eating and sedentary lifestyle were the exact opposite of that.
And eating healthier, home-cooked meals is a) cheaper and b) not contributing to huge evil fast food corporations.
The focus isn't on weight and how I look, but how I feel.
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