Alchemy for everyone!

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Holds up a bomb.  "Does a 21 hit your AC?  Yes?  Bombs away!"  Retrieves the unexploded bomb.  "Next time, this will be lit."  After another player hit on Sheila Heidmarch rather crudely

Things my players make me say

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"No, just because you’re on a ship does not mean your fighter can eat a can of spinach and sing the Popeye song.  Why not?  A) Canned food doesn’t exist in Golarion B) Popeye doesn’t exist in Golarion and C) You’re in combat."  ~Me when my friend was GM’ing for the first time and could only facepalm in response

Shit my Players Make Me Say

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"Jonah Loud-Verb the Decibel strips off his obnoxious green, yellow, and red performer’s outfit and warns his party members not to look.  Those who fail their will save stare at the halfling as if mesmerized, unable to turn away.  Every strand of body hair matches that on his head: dreadlocks.  His foot hair, his back hair, and yes, even that resembles a more horrific version of Cthulhu."
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