Hippy hierarchy

12:34 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
I live in Eugene, OR, sometimes dubbed "Hippyville." Now what people don't understand is that there are levels of hippydom, often layering with each other.

For example, you have your dreadlocked hippies that tend to fit the stereotype of wearing patchouli and not bathing/shaving. Usually with tribal piercings/tattoos and have been known to hit a rave or two. Possibly firedances and would most likely smoke anything you put in front of them. Most likely to be vegetarian. Shops only at second-hand stores for clothes.

Then you have the organics "all chemicals are evil," but they often smoke. The smoker organics are typically dreadlocked. Non-smoker organics wear only non-bright colours, all natural fibers, and can talk extensively on the benefits of herbs other than weed. Often makes their own clothes, most likely to be vegan. Might or might not shave. This type is known to bathe, preferably in Dr. Bronner's soap.

And there's the yippies. Yuppy + hippy = yippy. They won't shop at the local natural foods stores, but instead prefer the upscale Whole Paycheck type of markets. Drives hybrids, attends winetastings, and bathes in expensive organic shower gels. Wears expensive, organic, hand-woven, hand-dyed cotton and other natural fibers. Would not be caught dead smoking anything, legal or otherwise. Does not shave, but instead most likely sugars or uses organic waxing methods. Will eat anything as long as it contains one or more of the following terms: organic, free trade, local, recommended by. Definitely falls into the "elitist liberal" class.

My answer to any situation requiring prolonged interaction with snobby hippies is to out-hippy them.

  1. Wear all natural clothing in neutral colours, bonus points if you make it yourself.
  2. Bathe. No makeup, very little work put into your hair. If anyone comments, rant and rave about the commercialization of women and our appearance for the sake of being eye candy.
    If you have a significant other, do not refer to them by name, title, and certainly not in a gendered manner. Simply call them "significant other" or "partner."
  3. Bring your own granola, again bonus if you make it yourself. When challenged on bringing your own food, pontificate on how it's the only way you can ensure it's organic, local, not going into the pockets of big businesses, and how our society has denigrated/disassociated itself with the creation of food.
  4. Bring your own water/tea/coffee in a reusable container, bonus points if it's loose leaf tea or coffee you ground yourself, double if it's in sturdy glass. Again, when questioned, lecture on the benefits of free trade, organics. Doesn't matter if the beverage in question is not actually free trade, organic, they couldn't tell unless you hand them the packaging. If container is not plastic, rant about the evils of plastic food containers.

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